itscalledfashionlookitup:

"Can you promo me?"

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cetaceas:

*hears child crying* *takes birth control*

shinymaplesquid:

shinymaplesquid:

I just got a wrong number text from a stranger that said: “hey can we use ur pool there’s a moose in ours”

#welcometocanada

I’ve never received such a funny text in my life I can’t breathe

UPDATE:
I told them “yes if you send a pic” & they sent me tHIS

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shouldnt:

I AM SO EXCITED FOR SHITTY HALLOWEEN MOVIES

nico-diangelcakes:

nico-diangelcakes:

So i have this giant pencil right

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I think we all know where this is going.

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the amount of people saying that they were expecting me to shove it up my ass is alarming

-americanhorrorstory:

tbh the american horror story opening credits scare me more than the actual show.